Into Dust
by lilabut
Summary: Nothing is ever as it seems and most of the time you only realize a mistake once you already made it and have no option to go back. POST-ECLIPSE, no Nessie.


A really odd idea that I had to write real quickly. This is not beta-ed.

Lyrics and title are taken from the song Into Dust by Mazzy Star.

* * *

I n t o. D u s t.

o o o

A butterfly brushes Bella's ear, moving a strand of her hair like the faintest touch of wind and she cannot remember having ever seen a butterfly in Forks before. She turns her head, yearning to take a closer look, but only catches a last glimpse of bright red blurring in the distance.

_Still falling_

Bella stops her slow, hesitant steps in the doorway to the garage – her safe place, her harbour. Empty. Blank.

Gone are the work benches, the Rabbit, the tools, chairs, boxes, drawers, garbage.

All that is left is a glossy dirt bike standing in the middle of the makeshift garage, looking oddly out of place. Lonely.

_Breathless and on again_

It smells different. No grease, no motor oil, no forest. As if the woods outside had vanished and nothing had ever occupied the empty space.

_Jake?_ Only a hushed whisper but it is all so perfectly silent and immobile and Bella does not dare raising her voice.

_Bells._ Sunshine. Bella can see the bright smile on Jacob's face before she turns around and when she does, she is pressed against his warm chest already, her arms wrapping themselves around his stomach.

_I'm glad you came._ The words are muffled by thick, mahogany hair and fill the empty space around them with the sacred sensation of bitterness.

_Inside today_

_What happened, Jake? Where is everything?_

He lets go of her, his hands gliding down her bare arms, feels the always colder touch of her skin. Steps into the empty garage.

_Gone. _

Bella follows Jacob, always keeping close behind him, eager for his warmth to seep into her pores.

_Why?_

_Time to move on. Almost time._

_Inside me today_

He stops next to the bike, lets the tip of his index finger glide over the handle. Smoothly. Like hovering over the water's surface.

_I don't understand._

There is no answer, only more silence and it starts to hurt. In fact, Bella suddenly feels like everything is _too much_. Her skin itches, like needles picking into every single pore of her skin. Blood rushes wildly in her ears. Loudly. Like a train passing by.

He takes her trembling hand in his and intertwines their fingers like a braid, resting _it_ on the cold handle.

It's like a déja vu, her hand flinching against the cold metal and his fingers gently brushing against hers, guiding her.

_This is yours. I don't want to keep it_. Sadness sounds from his voice and his eyes are dreamy, full of longing as he stares at their fingers.

_Around broken in two_

Bella's back is pressed against the cold wall, Jacob's warm chest holding her in place and she cannot remember how she got from the bike to the wall, how her hands got tangled up in Jacob's hair and why he is sobbing against her neck, his fingers digging into the flesh of her stomach.

The bike is gone. She cannot see it anymore. It's just the two of them now.

_Til your eyes share into dust_

His skin feels warmer than usual, almost too warm. His tears are sticky against her neck, his sharp outtakes of breath fanning the wet spots and she shivers.

Her hands hold on to him, knees weak. Music starts playing softly, the gentle tunes fanning through the air like Jacob's breath on her skin. She had heard it in his car once, months ago when life was not easy but still not as hard to bear as it was today.

For a second, Bella wonders where it is coming from, why it seems so unnaturally soft and tender but her thoughts are broken when she feels Jacob's lips brush against the pulsing vein in her neck.

_Like two strangers turning into dust_

While button for button of her shirt falls open and reveals more and more pale skin, Bella wonders why she even decided to stop by. Why she could not just let _this_ go.

But then he kisses her collarbone and whispers _Bells_ and nuzzles his nose into the soft skin of her neck and her mind goes as quiet as the world around them, the soft tunes from earlier long having faded into silence. Dust. Covering everything.

_Til my hand shook with the weight of fear_

_Where does it hurt?_ Each word comes with another inch his warm hands glide up her calves and Bella barely remembers ever having taken her jeans off. But she knows now that it must be his touch, the flutter, the uneven beating of her heart – the sheer nervousness that hinders her brain and memory from functioning.

_Everywhere_. A sigh that echoes in the silence. It is true. She cannot say what hurts. It is more like a general blinding coil inside of her, spiralling, tearing at her seams.

_I could possibly be fading_

Clothes have disappeared, just like everything else. They both breath heavily, arms wrapped around each other's naked bodies. The floor frames Bella between it's ruthless cold and the sweaty heat of Jacob, hair sticking to her forehead, lips dry.

Her fingers tickle his spine, feeling each ripple and the shiver her touch causes. All she can remember is the coil of heat inside of her, nothing else. She knows, yes. But all memories seemed to have faded.

_Or have something more to gain_

_This is wrong._

_It's too late for wrong or right._ His fingers tickle her sides but she does not feel anymore. Numb. Only coiling heat.

Like he understands something she can not, Jacob presses her tighter to him, almost like he wants her to crawl under his skin.

_I could feel myself growing colder_

She can hear the music again, the soft tunes and Jacob's breath in her ear. A murmured _Bells_ oozing with as much melody as the calm song.

_Will this stay here? In secret? _She tries to touch as much as she can at once, feeling lost in her tiny human body, wishing to be a starfish to have more limbs. To touch more. His neck, his face, his hair, his back, his chest, feel his heart drumming against the blanket of muscles, blood, flesh and skin.

He hums into her ear, kissing the shell as if it was his favourite souvenir, picked up on a sandy beach out of flat, foamy, salty water.

_I could feel myself under your fate_

The bike had been by the door, shielded by Jacob's broad frame. Bella runs her hand over the worn leather seat.

Warm arms are wrapped around her from behind, careful fingers pushing each button into its place with aching slowness.

She wonders what to do with the bike, where to hide it from Charlie. And Edward. Her heart tells her to keep it here, not to take it away. It belongs here. But so does a part of her.

And it is preparing to leave.

_Under your fate_

_Where is the radio?_ The soft tune has faded once again, but Bella cannot help but mourn the silence.

_Which radio?_ A kiss on her cheek.

_Where the song played. Where is it?_ A touch against his strong arm. The burning coil of agonizing heat almost forgotten.

_That was no radio. You were humming, Bells._ A nudge against her ear with the tip of his nose. _Do you not remember?_

She starts breathing heavily, the wheels in her head running wildly. Trying to remember.

A shake of her head.

_It was you, breathless and torn_

_I guess…_ He holds on to her hand tightly and starts humming himself, the tune familiar. Melodic. Gentle. Tender.

Bella lets her eyes wonder over his features, feeling the same ache she had when the butterfly had passed her eyesight.

The sadness in his eyes. Heartbreak. But no animal, no fight for control.

The strands of long, raven black hair.

_Long._

No.

_Why is your hair longer?_ Her hesitant hand reaches out to comb through the silky strands, Jacob's head leaning into her fragile touch.

_This is how you like it best._

_It wasn't long until now. _His arm drapes loosely around her waist, holding her in place. On the ground.

_It took you a while to figure it out._

_I could feel my eyes turning into dust_

It all comes like a tornado, a swirl of blowing wind. His long hair, his human eyes, his slender body, the soft touch of his muscles, the easy smile on his lips.

_Her _Jacob.

He feels warmer by the second now, the heat inside of Bella urging her to step away. Like a primal instinct.

But she fights it, grabs his hand tightly. Fear overwhelming her.

_What is happening, Jake?_

_Into strangers, turning into dust_

_It's time, Bells._ Another hushed whisper.

She shakes her head, not understanding what exactly he means. But no matter what, she is not ready. She wants to stay here longer, if just another minute.

This is not the time to leave, to change, to alter. She wants everything to remain just like it is in this second. Her heartbeat dull and numb in her chest, as if she were drowning.

_It's too late, Bells. It's time to wake up._

And then he kisses her. And she _feels_ it. _Remembers_ it. The gentle, careful touch of his lips. Slow movements. Savouring what she knows is the _las_t. Of everything.

She opens her eyes to see him, one last time, only to see he thought of doing the same. For a splint second she believes that the red flash in his eyes is the butterfly passing by.

But then she understands.

_Turning into dust_

Her eyes shoot open, razor sharp lines, patterns, swirls and colours overwhelming her and she looks around in haste, looking for any sign. Russet skin, back hair.

But he is gone. Jake is gone. Bells went with him, was now figuring out a way to hide a dirt bike from Charlie.

And Bella wakes up. Into a crystal clear world.

"Bella?"

"Where is Jake?" she hears herself asking, voice like _bells_ and hearing it hurts more than the heat of the transformation.

When she turns her head she looks into Edward's questioning eyes, pitch black and full of worry.

Realization hits both her and him and he steps out of the room silently, passing a horrified Alice on his way out and Bella hears glass shattering a second later.

She closes her eyes again, hoping to see a flash of a butterfly's red wings before numbing out everything else. Without a way back.


End file.
